Book title: Tug of War by K. Larsen
Series: Bloodlines #1
Release date: October 25, 2013
Impulsive, YES. Irresponsible, SURE. Necessary, PROBABLY. Going to end badly, most likely. Does any of that matter to me, no. I decided that I can't please everyone so this week my only goal is to please me. I’m a selfish cow but I can’t seem to help it. I’m Clara Lord. I own Bloodline’s Tattoo Parlor, have a filthy mouth, no filter and a really strong objection to bossy idiots, pet names and wealthy men.
You will hate me, love me or love to hate me but either way it doesn’t matter. Everything I touch turns to crap and it’s all my fault. See, I lived through hell. Then I escaped hell and carefully spent the next eight years crafting a perfect little life until Domini Napoli screwed it all up.
Now nothings right. Everything’s wrong and all my secrets are coming out.
**Can be read as a standalone**
Tug Of War has been voted:
Top 3 of 2013 list from Book Junkie Girls
Top 10 of 2013 from For The Love Of Books
Top 13 of 2013 List from I'll Be Reading
RL Griffin listed Objective as the book she most looks forward to in 2014 releasing.
Prologue
I feel like I’m crawling in my skin. I’ve had this feeling for the last sixteen months just about. Time has done little thus far to mend me. People keep promising time heals all wounds. Bullshit. I call bullshit. Love is a four-letter-word. Love is blindness. I didn’t want to see. I don’t want to see. I chose to ignore all the signs. I was in denial. I pretended that Clara and I were more than we were. I knew it was wrong. I buried that feeling deep though. Flat out refused to let it bubble to the surface where I’d have to deal with it. I’d tear out my insides if I could go back and change it.
I didn’t give her room to breathe. I never gave her the chance to come to me, to want me. I gave her what I wanted to give and convinced myself that it was exactly what we both wanted and needed.
Our arrangement had been simple. We slept together if and when we wanted too. We were always best friends first and we were to raise Allie together with love.
Four years into it did people assume we were married- yes. Did people assume I was Allies father- sure. Did I love every second of that- most definitely. The problem is, real women don’t need you, they want you. Clara always needed me. I knew that. I liked it, hell I loved it. I thought it would be enough to keep her attached to me. It wasn’t. She put my heart in a blender and watched it spin around until it was a pureed mess. I’d love to blame her entirely, but when shit hit the fan and she told me she never asked for my love outside of our arrangement, she was right. She never did.
She was upfront, honest, clear with me from the start. I tried to change that subtly over time. To embed myself into her life so wholly that eventually she would want to submit to me entirely. My game got sloppy, I grew complacent. I used my dating life to try and piss her off and make her jealous. Sometimes depending on the woman, it worked. Mostly she held up her end of our deal and knew that we’d agreed to be able to date, therefore never bringing it up.
My weakness was that I let myself care too much. It was all a well played game between the two of us. A balancing act with no safety net. Games that never amounted to more than they were meant to, eventually played themselves out.
Stupid.
Clara is many things, but she’s not an asshole, contrary to what most think. She’s a straight shooter. Calls it like she sees it, a take action kinda gal. She loves fiercely and wholly. Even when she’s not in love with you. If she loves you, you get all of her for better or worse.
All things I love about her.
Clara makes mistakes and people view her actions as self-centered, but they don’t understand how she works. She’s not a selfish woman. She’s bold. Takes no prisoners. Driven. She gives back in so many ways.
People look at her and judge, they don’t see or maybe they choose to overlook all the things she does from the heart. Her friends, family and their and her personal well-being come first. Her two jobs follow next. She’s committed, blunt to a fault and owns her faults. It’s refreshing really. Her past was so much worse than even I knew, and I knew most of it, but when the parts I didn’t know came out- so much came to light, for me at least. But by then, it was too late for us. There was a gap so wide between us there was no bridging it.
She loves Allie fiercely. She’s wonderful mom. I admire that about her. Sure she’s made mistakes- we both have, but she’s never claimed she hasn't. When the school told her the chorus program was being cut, she volunteered to continue teaching the kids for free. Bloodlines thrives as a business because she puts her heart and soul into it. Even from a distance she's loyal to Marg and Amanda, staying in touch, talking often, putting in the effort to make sure they all stay connected. She’s thoughtful and kind and funny.
Dominic swooped in and threw us all off balance. I can’t say that had the situation been reversed I would have handled it any differently than she did. It was confusing.
Where did we draw the line? How do you give up someone that's been an intimate part of your life without giving them up completely? How do you tell what’s right and wrong? How do we maintain our family still for Allie? When you never talk about the hard stuff together, how can you expect the other to just know what’s in your head? Bottom line, you can’t. It was a cluster fuck to say the least. We’ve found some semblance of peace. We’re just rearranged now. I’m supposed to accept that and move on. Supposed being the key word.
I just haven’t figured the moving on part out quite yet. The heart wants what it wants right? Or maybe the mind want what it wants for the heart. All of those scenarios are bullshit though. Clara went for the gold. She carved out the happiness she needed, wanted.
Now it’s my turn.
I have a weird addiction to goat cheese and chocolate martinis, not together though. I adore my dog. He is the most awesome snuggledoo in the history of dogs.
Seriously.
I hate dirty dishes.
I like sarcasm and funny people.
I should probably be running right now... because of the goat cheese....and stuff.
I've been told I'm the mistress of Snark. I like that.
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